There comes a time in every curlie's life when she must decide if she should chemically relax her hair. Sometimes this happens shortly after she's 'transitioned' from relaxed hair and finds her hair to be new and uncharted territory. This can happen when she's just plain old sick of the frizz and bulk.

My girlfriend, a newbie to the curly circuit found the growth of her natural hair a bit more than she thought she can handle and so decided to have her hair 'bio softened' (which is just fancy for texturized) at Christo's Fifth Avenue.

The treatment isn't cheap, however I would urge any person contemplating using chemicals to alter her hair to seek out professional help (I mean a stylist!) to minimize any damage. She quickly learned that her 4b texture hair takes chemicals very quickly and as she gained the length she missed she found her hair to be a new texture unlike the natural and relaxed and has to learn a new cocktail to make it work.

Here is a direct quote: "I feel like a white woman with a biracial child. lol I am clueless as to what to do. Part of me thinks it was easier BEFORE the silkner - at least it wasn't stringy then... now it's stringy, yet bushy/frizzy, looks dry, these products they gave me make my hair feel dry, and it's just not what I expected. But I have length.... not sure if that makes up for the other stuff."

I don't blame her, when I first went natural I felt my hair was too thick to manage and started texturizing. I had to cut all of my hair and start over, this time I decided the only chemicals I will put in my hair are the ones I can rinse out. Everyone has to decide for themselves how they want their hair to look. It's all up to you, and if you don't like it, you can cut it and start over!

Lovin' Leave In Conditioner by Philip B

I love walking through the aisles of a TJ Maxx or a Marshalls because you never know what you might find. During one of my usual promenades through the local TJ Maxx I came across a line I've never heard of called Philip B. I've been on the hunt for the perfect leave in conditioner and have been disappointed too many times, but like men, I like to take everyone on a case-by-case basis and I don't hold a grudge. I decided to pick up a tube and try it out.

After my no 'poo shampoo and deep conditioning treatment, I proceeded to use the leave in conditioner. I immediately enjoyed the clean, citrusy smell, and I knew right away from the texture of the cream that my hair was going to like this product. I worked the leave in conditioner in sections through out my damp hair and then used my other arsenal of hair products (coconut oil, aloe gel and structura lotion). I then sat under the hair dryer until my hair was completely dry.

The end result was smooth and shiny hair. Before the leave in, my hair still had some fuzz to it. Philip B's Lovin' Leave In eliminated the fuzziness my hair had, worked well with the aloe gel (which could sometimes be a problem with other leave ins) and left my hair smelling fresh. I know some people can't stand the smell of coconut oil, but none of that anymore.

The following weekend I went back to the TJ Maxx and bought the remainder 3 tubes. The clerk asked me if it worked, I told her I loved it. She said she would have to try it and I told her I just bought them all. I then drove to the store near my job and bought all of theirs. As you know, if you find a product you love at a discount retailer, you have to buy all you can, you just don't know if they'll get others in. If you can't get your hands on one at TJ Maxx, try their website: www.philipb.com

To curl or not to curl

Curly Hair Take 1
Back in 98 I went to my stylist at the time and told her to cut it all off. It was scary and exciting as I've never been without hair, I was 21. She cut and cut until there was nothing but a teenie weenie afro cloud on my head. She added the gel and worked it through and sure as small miracles happen every day, my fro became curls. Small beautiful corkscrew curls. I was beyond delighted with the new look. My friends told me that they could see ME now. And this didn't frighten me at all. However, months passed and my hair began to grow. Fear was beginning to creep in. My hair is getting long, it's too thick, I'll never get a comb through it! I went back to my stylist and shyly asked for a texturizer. She worked the mild relaxer in and as quickly removed it. Ahhh, that's better. Hair that's still curly but not too kinky.

Introduction to Ceramic Iron
Three years later and my new stylist introduced me to the ceramic flat iron. What a wonderous upgrade to the old metal flat irons this contraption was. 410 degrees and my hair was smoother than it had ever been. Addiction to stick straight hair started, soon I was straightening my hair twice a week. I began to notice that my hair was no longer curly. Now it's wavy. Nice. But the new growth is thick, the middle is wavy and the ends are straight. I have to flatten this out some more.

The Dark Side to Flat Irons
My hair started to look flat, the ends were ravaged and for every half inch of hair I grew, my stylist had to cut off one inch to keep it looking healthy. This made no sense to me. She told me, more blow drying and less flat ironing. I didn't understand how something that can make my hair so smoothe and shiny also make it so damaged. I had to stop cold turkey and start over. Besides, I was really missing my natural curls.

Curly Hair Take 2
Let's try this again, this time with courage, determination and understanding. I went to my stylist and ordered 'cut it all off' and once again I had tiny ringlets all over my head. I felt light and free. I became somewhat invisible to men, and this was fine. My exboyfriend said that's because guys don't know if I'm gay or just broken up and suffering from the Angela Bassett syndrome (remember Waiting to Exhale?). I didn't care about it or the attention. I was happy. I had my curls back and this time I was going to take care of them instead of being afraid of them.

Almost 3 Years Later
No chemicals that I can't wash out have touched my hair since. I've been educating myself on hair and taken on a more experimental approach with products and a "wait and see" attitude. My hair is the longest I can remember it has been and sometimes I'm overwhelmed with the sheer volume of it, but I wouldn't want to hurt it again.